“I’m so angry, hurt, and in shock over what you did, he did, she, or they did! I will never forgive you, him, her, or them again!”
Have you ever said that, thought that, felt that? Have you ever held someone responsible for your situation and the way it made you feel? Are you still? What has been the longest time you have ever held on to feeling justified in your rage, anger, or hurt? What impact did, or does holding on to these negative emotions have on you emotionally, physically, or perhaps spiritually?
Your mind, heart, and body feel incredibly stressed when you resist forgiving or being forgiven. Holding on to anything that doesn’t feel good isn’t natural, and that is why ‘holding on’ feels so uncomfortable. When I ask for forgiveness, it is to get relationships back on track after they have been wounded through some level of perceived betrayal or expectation that wasn’t met. I believe it is about asking someone to excuse our humanity or moment of indiscretion. Does the person who is feeling the betrayal really need an apology or be asked to be forgiven for forgiveness to happen? I say not. How about healing? Does there have to be an apology for healing to happen. I say not.
If you think ‘yes,’ the challenge is that the person you may need an apology from may not want to apologize, may be unwilling to give or receive it, or may no longer be alive. What do you do then?
When you look outside for the healing you need and can’t get it, you have no choice but to find a way to heal the hurt yourself or it will potentially impact every aspect of your life. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools to help you do that. Here are at least 3 reasons why:
- Whether you know it or not, agree with it or not; when you forgive another you are doing it for your sake, not for the sake of the person you are forgiving.
- Forgiveness is a choice. You can’t feel negative emotion like anger and resentment as well as positive emotion like love or forgiveness at the same time. It is physiological impossible.
- The only way to bring peace back into your heart is to forgive the person you feel has caused you emotional or physical pain, and if it applies, to forgive yourself for your part in it; for not ‘seeing’ or appreciating the person you hold responsible; not standing up for yourself, or a friend, for not acting in ways that support what you want for yourself and in your life. Forgive yourself for all of it.
Feel lighter, stronger, more focused, and alive. Feel more optimistic about your life, and all that you want to create and experience in this coming year, and into this next decade!
Place your energy and attention there; energy and attention that is now available as a result of all the new space you created in your heart by forgiving, and letting go of all the extra weight from the thoughts and feelings that do not serve you.
To the most amazing, New Year filled with the sweetest love, incredible health, wealth, and abundance in all things that bring your heart joy!
Lee Ann Hawkins